It’s Okay to Need Someone

I have never liked the ease in which people use the title “best friend”. For some people, it is a title easily given, but for me, it has always been something that has held more weight than that. To me, a best friend, is as simple as the title, the best of all of my friends. It could be one person or maybe two people, but in my opinion, the title of best friend is earned.

And to be honest up to this year, I never really had a true best friend. Sure, I have had people that I was and still am very close with. There are people that know my secrets, and I trust to keep them, people that I laugh with and spend a lot of my time with. And, I am not writing this to downplay the importance of those relationships because every friendship I have is important to me. But, up until this year the idea being at my weakest in front of someone else (who wasn’t my parents) was just lost on me.

I couldn’t understand what it was like to be completely defenseless in front of someone else. After all, I have spent my whole life building walls.

walls

As a kid, friendship was easy for me, but it wasn’t until I got to middle school that the catty gossip and drama taught me to guard my heart. All of a sudden, friends became enemies at the drop of a hat. Secrets were told, feelings were hurt, and I wasn’t innocent in any of it. I learned to guard my heart and my secrets because if you keep everything to yourself, no one can hurt you.

The thing is, I never really grew out of this mentality. At the end of high school, I slowly began chipping away at the walls that I had built, but it wasn’t really until college that I began to see what it truly means to be a friend. Sophomore year, I lived with a girl who made the first big impact on  me.

As a roommate, she was barely in the room, watched Supernatural on a crappy little TV on her desk when she was around, but most importantly, she needed me. I sat with her on her bed through her tears and talked her through some of the rough times, all the while marveling at her ability to let down her walls.

needsomeone

By the time we moved out, I was still unable to completely open up to her. However, the concept of letting someone see me in the raw, imperfect and emotional, stuck with me. The summer passed, and I pushed myself in terms of my friendships. I let pieces of my armor come down. I put trust in people. I invited my friends to my parents house for the first time in a forever. I was slowly letting my friends see me for me.

When junior year started, I never could have realized that my roommate, Becky would be the first to cross into the uncharted waters of best friendhood. Fall semester passed and we hung out a lot, secrets were exchanged, stories told. Becky was slowly crossing the line between friend and best friend.

meandbecky

By the time spring semester came, Becky and I were basically attached at the hip. However, as some of you know, spring semester was a killer for me. It was hard, stressful, and emotionally taxing to say in the least. It boiled over until one night after getting a bad grade on something I worked hard for, I cried in front of Becky. For the first time, I cried in front of someone that wasn’t my parents.

I realize to some of you this may sound bizarre that I have gone 20 years of life without crying in front of another person, but part of the “perfect” act I had going for so long, involved minimal showing of negative emotions.

Source: http://blogshateme.blogspot.com/2010_05_01_archive.html
Source: http://blogshateme.blogspot.com/2010_05_01_archive.html

After that, things changed, at least for me. Finally, someone had seen me at my worst, and the world didn’t end. I felt like a weight that I didn’t even know was there had been lifted off my chest. There are moments in life when you look back and realize that, that moment was a game changer.

It was in this moment that I realized that it’s okay to need someone.

Life Changing Event Ahead Road Sign

I have spent 20 years holding back from people, and suddenly I have found a person that I know I can be myself with. I have found a best friend. Becky is someone that I know I can call whenever I need her. She is someone that I don’t have to pretend with. Out of all of the people I have ever called a friend in my life, she knows me the best.

If I could go back to the beginning of college or maybe even high school and tell myself one thing it would be this. It’s okay to give some of your burden to your loved ones to carry for you.Life is a long journey, and sometimes you may need someone to help you along the way. It’s okay to cry and be upset and unhappy. No one in this life is perfect. Not you. Not your friends or your parents. No one.

There is no perfection in solidarity. It’s okay to need someone to help you, to be there, to stay awake until 2 a.m. and listen to your problems through your tears. It’s okay to be a burden every once in awhile. It’s okay to trust people even if you have been hurt in the past. It’s okay to need someone, a person, a friend, or a best friend, to help you along the way. You don’t have to do it alone.

roa
Source: http://worldwithrhecel.blogspot.com/

We only have one life to live and a pack full of burden to take along for the trip. It’s okay to ask someone to carry your pack when you get tired because that’s the thing about life, we are never alone. No matter what stretch of mountain you hit, what canyon you have to cross, all you have to do is turn around to realize, there is a whole group of people who have your back. Some are just a few feet behind waiting for you to sound the alarm, but some have been beside you the whole trip. All you have to do is look away from the trail for a second and you will see them, waiting patiently for you to turn around, to say the words – I need you, thank you for being here, I love you, I’m sorry it took me so long to stop and say hello.

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10 thoughts on “It’s Okay to Need Someone

  1. nyrmirez June 19, 2013 / 9:51 am

    Beautifully written! I’m so glad you found someone you could let your walls down with and share a deep part of who you are. There is nothing like a best friend to know you are never alone in any situation. You are quickly becoming one of my favorite bloggers Sam!

    • Sam June 19, 2013 / 3:26 pm

      Thanks for your continued support, Michelle! :) I was reading your bio, and I feel like we would get along well in real life! Sarah Dessen is one of my favorite young adult writers of all time. I feel like I read so much of her growing up that she has really influenced the way that I write. Have you read her new book?

  2. plainjanemcgough June 19, 2013 / 9:59 am

    I am too guilty of doing this, but I have gotten a lot better. make progress every day :)

  3. budziak June 19, 2013 / 2:07 pm

    I’m glad you found someone to be close to. I’ve come to realize how important these friendships are after moving; sometimes I feel completely alone in my new city, so far away from everything I’ve known. It just goes to show how incredible blogging is, you meet people from all over and sometimes know them more personally than in real life. Maybe I’m overly sentimental but even the most insignificant comments make me happy, haha.
    My best friend and I have been there for the worst of both of our lives and what should have torn us apart, didn’t. I’d be a much different person without her. Thanks for sharing :-)

    • Sam June 19, 2013 / 3:32 pm

      Yeah, I guess it’s not until you move away that you realize how important certain relationships are to you. I can relate to the blogging thing. It’s fun to learn about people from different places in the world and get to know them. Although, it sucks when bloggers just disappear from the blogosphere and you are just stuck waiting for them to come back and sometimes they never do. If that happened in real life you would be filing a missing persons report. ;P lol

  4. authorkathryn June 19, 2013 / 9:00 pm

    I can definitely associate with you on this one! I have called people in the past my best friends, but, truth be told, I have never really had one. Not one that has been by my side through it all without judgement. My boyfriend is the first person I have felt a huge connection with. But even then, there are only so many things you can confide in a partner with. Having a girlfriend is important. Wonderfully written and thank you for sharing! :)

    • Sam June 22, 2013 / 8:37 am

      I definitely went through the same process. I mean, there are people who I would be close with, but it would never really be what I expected of a “best friend”. To be honest though, I never even mentioned that my best friend and I actually shared a common room/bathroom in the dorms freshman year, but we didn’t actually become friends until junior year. Just shows you never know who will come back into your life in an unexpected way!

  5. sidhun90 June 20, 2013 / 4:57 pm

    Really inspiring, I love this post. I think I can definitely relate to some of your experiences, although for me it was a little bit opposite. I was always super easy going, and made friends without any trouble during middle/high school. Starting college was a nightmare, I moved out of town, and knew no one and the people there seemed so alien and different. I just couldn’t connect, and I think that made me more closed off than I ever was before. I’m happy to say that I did find someone who supports me through all my weakest moments, and he’s the love of my life, but I still haven’t been able to recreate this kind of connection with another female. And I think this experience has really made me realize how important girlfriends are in life.

    Thanks again for the post, it’s very uplifting and beautifully written!

    • Sam June 22, 2013 / 8:41 am

      I mean, I think it’s important that there are people that you are close to outside of your relationship, but I would say it’s good that you have one person you can really count on, regardless. Starting college was tough for me too and looking back, I am surprised the way things turned out the way they have. I would say, just keep making new friendships only with the expectation that you will only be “regular” friends. You never know who will end up being your best friend. It could be someone you already know! That’s how me and my best friend were (see comment above).

  6. Totheskies April 5, 2015 / 1:12 am

    Tears are rolling down my eyes at 1:07 in the morning because this is EXACTLY what I needed to read tonight. I forget this all the time, what I really need to remember- that it is okay to need someone sometimes. It’s okay to reach out and ask someone to “hold your pack” for a minute (beautiful metaphor…). I struggle with feeling like a “burden” when I need to open up to people, as it usually happens late at night. I don’t want to take sleep. I forget that the people I automatically want to reach out to would be more than glad to give some of their time in my moments of need.
    Thank you for writing this piece, thank you for writing what I needed to hear and what I need to learn once and for all. Maybe this will be a lifelong struggle, the fight to reach out instead of remaining stuck with the shadows in my head. Thank you for reminding me. I won’t give up on learning how to reach out.

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