Bullying Never Really Goes Away

It seems like everyone has had some interaction with bullying. Celebrities. Average Joe. The football captain. The nerdy girl. At some point, everyone in their life has been bullied. Still, no matter what the degree of the bullying is, whether it’s name-calling, beating someone up, or threatening someone’s life, bullying leaves scars.

I’ve talked about being bullied in the past and how it left an emotional scar on me for years afterwards. And, I was lucky that my high school was low-clique and low drama because I escaped a lot of the bullying that comes as people progress through their final years of mandatory education.

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However, I always thought that once I graduated high school and entered the “real world,” i.e. college bullying went away. I knew there would always be gossip, but for me bullying has always been different than that. Bullying has a certain motivator, the right mix of insecurity, anger, and fear all rolled into one ugly concoction. Then again, you could say that adolescence is just a taste of the same pot, so maybe that’s why I thought bullying ended once you were finally an “adult”.

It wasn’t until I started going to class and living with roommates in the “real world,” I realized how wrong I was. Adults are just as capable as bullying as children.

Always-be-kind-for-everyone-is-fighting-a-battleI’m not saying there isn’t room to be tough in the world. People are always going to gossip. There will always be the “popular” crowd, even in college and after college. Let’s face it, the world is rough, and no one is going to be there to sugar coat it for you.

However, I want to look back on my life, and be happy with the route I took to get there. I don’t want my life to be an endless series of broken relationships that I sacrificed because I was bored or I just hadn’t bothered to think of the impact of my words.

Bullying never really goes away, we just get better at dealing with it. I can’t even begin to compare how much I have changed since I was bullied in school. I used to be a shy, passive aggressive teenager, but now, I believe in myself enough to stand up for myself and speak my mind.

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Right now, I am dealing my own adulthood bullying via my two roommates. They will talk about me right outside my door. Purposely don’t do things (like clean) to get a rise out of me. They are mean, but I can’t just lay down and give up just because they don’t like me. Bullies are everywhere. No matter how old or young you are, you are going to have to deal with mean, ignorant, prejudiced people all around you.

And to be honest, no matter how old you get, bullying is still going to sting because honestly, everyone deep down wants to be accepted. But, that doesn’t mean you have to accept the what they say about you.

You are more than any words that anyone can use against you, and the only person who can define you is yourself. Life is hard, and there will be more bumps along the way. But, there is also good in the world. Sometimes you have to squint to see it, but there is always a glimmer, somewhere, even if it’s just above your reach, you have to keep trekking along.

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There is a local bumper sticker that always strikes a chord with me when I see it. It says: Choose Civility. We are all people, and we all have a life to live and a story to tell. Kindness is an underrated personality trait in this world. Be kind. Give respect. Stand up for yourself. But, remember you are one in a world of millions of other human beings. Think of others when speaking about them and take responsibility for your words and your actions. They have more power than you might realize.

choosecivility

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10 thoughts on “Bullying Never Really Goes Away

  1. Washington, DC July 18, 2013 / 2:00 pm

    Its sad but small bullies grow in to big bullies. And direct all their abuse on people in the workplace too! This is certainly a conversation that should be started early on for kids and continue all thru adulthood as this issue is really harming people in our world.

    • Sam July 18, 2013 / 2:38 pm

      Very true. And as much as I feel bad for the victims of bullying, I often wonder how horrible it must be to live in the head of the person doing the bullying. There has to be a lot of emotional baggage in there.

  2. budziak July 18, 2013 / 3:15 pm

    That sucks about your roommates, if you lived closer, I’d have you live in our extra room :-) You won’t be for too much longer, right? This post reminds me of a line in an Incubus song, “I understand why they say high school never ends.” Have you seen House of Cards on Netflix? Highly exaggerated but a clever example of how politicians bully each other. Luckily, I work in an office full of busy men and the only other woman acts like my mom away from home. Life is too short to be in a negative environment, I hope it gets better for you, if all else fails, keep blogging :-)

    • Sam July 19, 2013 / 8:09 am

      lol. We would be terrible roommates because we would spend all the rent money on beauty products. ;) Just kidding. You’re sweet. I’ve been meaning to watch House of Cards on Netflix. I never watch Netflix anymore because I can’t decide what to watch – it’s just too many choices.

      Luckily, I haven’t been too involved in office drama yet, mostly because I am seen as the “young kid”, so I am excluded from a lot of the drama at this point. I’m going to be scared when they want to start including me.

      Also, I found a new place to live for the rest of the summer, so I’ll be out of my apartment in two weeks :)

  3. Jen July 19, 2013 / 5:22 am

    *hugs* It’s true that bullying never goes away. I’ve had to deal with it at work as an adult, and I thought that it’s such a childish thing, but when I talk to my mom, she deals with it at her office too. I’m sorry you have crappy roommates, but I think you’re a very strong, smart, and mature girl, and you’re the better person by far! Just hang in there. :)

    • Sam July 19, 2013 / 8:13 am

      Thanks, Jen. It’s so ridiculous how mean coworkers get towards one another. For one, it’s unprofessional, and secondly, why would you want to deal with any extra stress from office drama? To be honest though, I think a lot of it stems from boredom at the job and with the job.

      Yeah, it sucks my roommates are crappy, but I found someone new to live with for the rest of the summer who I already know and is pretty chill. So, only two more weeks to go with the crazy girls. lol. ;P

  4. notquitecarrieb July 19, 2013 / 11:56 am

    Oh man…I remember getting the random roommates in collage. I transferred from my first school to my second and I didn’t know what I was walking in to. I lucked out (for the most part) with them….but my last year we just had the dirtiest people in our on campus apartment that just walked away from bags of stuff…it was terrible.
    I think as I’ve grown up- I’ve just kind of stopped caring. If they’re going to take the time to bully then they’ve got other things going on that I just don’t want to be a part of. I never realized I was like this until a moment in my recent job where one of the managers (who has moved on to managing a different place) pretty much belittled and used negative reinforcement because she could- however I never got hit with it…my coworkers said that they thought I didn’t get it because a) I didn’t care and didn’t let the little ones get to me and b) I make people respect me.
    who knew.
    I’m glad you’ve found a solution because that stuff can get really toxic and just toy with you!
    Great post!
    Xx

    • Sam July 20, 2013 / 4:49 pm

      Random roommates are always such a mixed bag. Sometimes they work out amazing and other times…not so much. lol. I think part of me has just stopped caring as well because it really doesn’t get to me much. I mean, I am not happy about my current roommates being rude, but it’s not debilitating. I’ve just develop a f#*$ it attitude. You can’t change people, so I’d rather not devote the effort.

  5. smellslikegirl July 19, 2013 / 2:06 pm

    I’ve never had a very bad experience with bullying, but I have heard people say things about me that upset me, and for a while I just accepted it and assumed they must be right. Now I know that I don’t have to take anyone’s crap and that I’m so much more than another person’s opinion. Reading this really lifted my spirits, and I’m so happy to hear you’re dealing with those bullies. It’s not always easy to ignore but they’re not worth your time if they don’t treat you with the respect you deserve. :)

    • Sam July 20, 2013 / 4:56 pm

      I think as you grow up, you get better at dealing with the bullying. At this point, I have just realized bullies aren’t worth devoting any effort or attention towards. We only have one life to live and, I sure as hell am not going to waste mine on people who don’t respect me.

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